


almost home

by parkrstark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Concussions, Depression, Gen, Hypothermia, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie) - Freeform, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Stabbing, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 09:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18465943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: Peter doesn't want to die. He just wants to go home.





	almost home

**Author's Note:**

> Take a vent fic I started last night as I cried to Kat. Started to sing Almost Home by Craig Morgan to myself and came up with this. 
> 
> There is slight suicide ideation in this, so stay safe.

Peter feels his knees buckle. They lock up and he crashes to the ground immediately. There's a hole in his side that he's desperately trying to clog. He's pressing on it as hard as his shaking hands can manage, but it doesn't do much. 

The blood continues to seep through his fingers. It doesn't show any signs of slowing down. 

But that's not even his biggest issue at the moment. 

The fact that he’s separated on a mission, after being stabbed, in a place where the temperature rarely reached double digits is what's really worrying him. 

Because he's in the middle of God knows where and all he can see around him is white. And red. The snow he's walking through is being marked with a trail of red. 

He's out here with Colonel Rhodes-- or he was before they got separated. They were staying in touch through the comm links before they went into the building they believed a small group of Hydra wannabes were hanging out. The minute they went through the doors, something messed with their receivers. It hasn't come back up since. 

Peter barely remembers the fight. It probably has something to do with the many hits his head took. A definite concussion is the culprit of his confusion, memory loss, and vomiting his breakfast back up in the snow a few dozen feet back. 

It's all too much. He can barely see straight, even if he knew where he's supposed to go. He's losing blood more and more by the second. 

So when he collapses on the snow covered ground, he doesn't try to push himself up.

He lays there, his face in the snow and just stays. He stays there until he hears Karen in his ears, “Peter, are you okay?” 

_ Is he okay?  _ The fact that he doesn't want to move from the spot-- the fact that if he never moves from this spot wouldn't bother him should be the answer. 

“‘m fine,” he mumbles. 

“My scans tell me you require immediate medical attention, but I cannot reach anyone,” she says, her voice as worried as an AI can sound. 

“Yeah...gotta find Rhodey.” He picks himself up a little because he can't let Rhodey down. He trusted him enough to take him along; he needs to prove himself worthy. 

So he starts dragging himself. He drags himself to a nearby tree, thinking he can use the trunk to pick himself up. 

He gets there. Slowly and painfully. 

He grabs onto the tree and grunts as he pulls himself up. But he doesn't make it all the way up. Before he's even a foot off the ground, he feels the world spin and go black before he's falling forward towards the ground. 

But he never hits the ground. 

_ Someone catches him just under his arms. It's a man. A man he can only remember from pictures. The curly hair and those glasses...he knows him. He knows exactly who this is.  _

_ His dad throws him back into the air and catches him again.  _

_ Peter lets out a loud shriek of excitement. It's not his voice. Or at least, it's not his current voice. This is the voice of a toddler, Peter realizes. And it makes sense. He hadn't been older than five when he lost his parents.  _

_ But here's his dad. Alive and well and smiling. He throws him up again and Peter can't help but smile as his dad cheers him on. “Look at you go, buddy! Look how high!”  _

_ Peter looks around. There's no snow. There's no blood. There's just...home. He falls right back into his father’s arms, safe and sound.  _

_ Then there's another voice. It's a woman. She has long brown hair and brown eyes to match. Peter smiles even wider as his mother stops next to his father to run her hand through his hair. “Don't get him all riled up before bedtime, Richard,” she warns, though there isn't any heat to her words. _

_ “But our boy is busy! Big plans he has!” He throws him again. “Pete’s heading to the moon!”   _

_ “Head to the moon? Oh, no no. That's too far from Mommy,” his mother says as she pulls him from his dad's arms into hers.  _

_ Peter grabs on tightly, staring up at her, trying his best to remember every detail of her face. He doesn't want to rely on pictures. He wants the real thing.  _

_ “What do you say, baby?” His mother cooes down at him. “Wanna stay with me forever and ever?”  _

_ Peter looks from his mom and then to his dad and realizes that there's nothing more he wants in the world.  _

_ He nods his head, reaching up for his mom.  _

_ She smiles and leans down to press a kiss to his forehead. He lets his eyes flutter shut as she does so.  _

But when he opens them again, she's gone.

He's staring up at a dark gray sky and Karen is yelling his name. Peter wants her to be quiet. “Okay. Karen, I'm up. Stop!” 

Her voice is softer now and Peter’s head appreciates it. “I'm sorry, Peter, but you weren't waking up.” 

Peter blinks his eyes slowly. He isn't sure how he woke back up. He feels 10 times worse. His head is pounding, he's lightheaded and his stomach is burning. 

He lets out a small whine as he rolls to his side. He misses his mom and his dad. He misses how it felt to be held in their arms and to feel so safe and so warm. 

The only warmth he has here is the artificial heat from the heaters in his suit. But he doesn't want that.

He wants to go back to his parents. He wants to go home. 

“Karen,” Peter croaks out, “turn off the heaters.” 

“Peter, might I remind you that the temperature outside with wind chill is well below freezing. Without heaters, your suit will do little to keep you warm.” 

That makes Peter smile. “Turn ‘em off.” 

Her reply is hesitant, “If you insist.”

The heaters turn off and immediately, Peter is reminded of the fact that he's laying in a pile of snow. He shivers violently and almost asks Karen to put the heaters back on. But he remembers his parents. And he doesn't. 

He shuts his eyes and lets himself relax. He doesn't know how to do it, but he wants to go back. He just wants to go home. 

He feels another shiver rack through his body and when his eyes snap back open, he doesn't see his parents. 

_ He sees Uncle Ben.  _

_ Uncle Ben is there, sitting across from him at a table with a giant bowl of ice cream.  _

_ Peter looks down and he's got a bowl of his own, spoon in hand. Ben’s laughter pulls his attention back up. “Slow down there, Petey. You're gonna give yourself a brain freeze.”  _

_ Peter looks around and recognizes the diner they're in. Ben and Peter loved coming here all the time. It was their favorite spot to hang out after school.  _

_ But enough of the diner. He can go down to Copper Street and see it anytime he wants; it's the man in front of him he can't see anymore.  _

_ He stares at his Uncle Ben and unlike his parents, this is a memory made from experience. He remembers Ben. He remembers the way his body shook when he laughed. He remembers the dimple in his chin. He remembers the gray in his hair. He remembers the wrinkles around his eyes.  _

_ Ben isn't just in a box of photographs. He's everywhere Peter looks as the days pass. He's in the worn down chair in the living room. He's in the collectors set of Star Wars DVDs they've got by the TV. He's in the old record player by the window.  _

_ And he's here now...and Peter doesn't want to let him go.  _

_ Peter reaches his hand out and grabs Ben’s wrist. “I don't wanna leave. Can I stay here with you?”  _

_ Ben frowns, looking around the diner. “Stay here? There's not much here.” _

_ Peter feels his eyes water. “Everything is here, Uncle Ben.”  _

_ Ben eats a spoonful of ice cream, not understanding why Peter is so desperate. “Your aunt’s waiting. Promised her I'd have you home not too late.”  _

_ Peter loves May more than the world, but he loves Ben too. He misses him so much. “I can't leave you.”   _

_ Ben’s face softens. “You don't have to go anywhere, Petey.”  _

_ “I just wanna go home. With you,” Peter pleads, his voice cracking. _

_ “Okay, okay. We can go home. Just finish up your ice cream.”  _

_ Peter nods his head and digs into his bowl, scooping spoonful after spoonful into his mouth. Ben laughs. “Slow down there, champ. Home isn't going anywhere. Neither am I.” _

_ Peter shakes his head. He can’t take that chance. Even when he starts to cough after some going down the wrong pipe, he continues. _

_ “Petey, be careful.”  _

_ Peter squeezes his eyes shut as his body shudders with a painful cough.  _

He shoots his eyes open as his coughing finally stops. 

Ben is gone. 

He pulls his mask to his nose and spits out the blood from his mouth. It splatters across the snow in front of him, a bright red against the blinding white. 

He groans, wiping his mouth to get rid of the rest of the blood. He knows it'll come back; he just doesn’t care. 

He’s exhausted from blood loss and possible hypothermia. He has to fight just to keep his eyes open. He can't lift even a finger if he wanted to. The idea of letting himself fall asleep for good is so tempting. 

And why not? There is nothing here. Nothing left. He’s lost and dying and he just wants to go home. His parents and Ben are waiting. He's safe with them. 

He's not safe here. He's hurt and scared and alone. 

“Peter, your body temperature is dropping dangerously low. If you don't start getting yourself warm, your body will begin to shut down.” 

The word escapes Peter’s mouth before he can stop it. “Good.” 

“Peter--.” Karen’s voice is urgent but Peter doesn't want to hear it. He rips his mask off and tosses it away from him. 

He rolls to his back and stares up at the sky. Sun starts to slowly fall and land on him. He knows he should be scared, but he's not. The idea of falling asleep and going home...it's too good to be true. 

So he gives into the drowsiness and lets his eyes shut. Hopefully for good this time. 

_ His eyes stay closed and he feels a hand in his hair. The touch is gentle as the hand works through the knots in his hair.  _

_ He lets out an involuntary purr when the hand scratches his scalp. There's a chuckle above him. “You know, I don't care if that's normal for spider kids...it still weirds me out. Kinda adorable, kinda strange. Honestly how I'd describe you in four words.”  _

_ At one time, Peter would have replied with a witty comeback. He'd learned from the best. But now isn't then.  _

_ Now is a time when he hasn't heard that voice in years.  _

_ His eyes shoot open and there he is: Mr. Stark.  _

_ Not Tony Stark: that was the man reserved for the public. And not Tony either: no matter how close they got, Peter never called him by his first name.  _

_ He was always just Mr. Stark.  _

_ But that was before.  _

_ That was before Thanos. Before Titan. Before the dusting. Before the Soul Stone.  _

_ When they all got out, Colonel Rhodes told him they'd been gone for years. Despite none of the ones missing aging, everyone in the real world did.  _

_ May looked older. Much older. But, Peter suspected that was what happened when not only 5 years passed her by, but she also lost her only family.  _

_ She held him tight, squeezed him so hard he couldn't breathe and gave him plenty of kisses.  _

_ Then she told him.  _

_ She told him what happened. How they saved the day.  _

_ She told him Tony died saving him. He gave up his life to bring Peter home.  _

_ And after years of begging for someone to save him from that place...he wanted nothing more than to go back.  _

_ That was months ago. After he got used to being home again and talked to a therapist May signed him up for. He stayed close with Rhodey and Pepper. He met the child Tony had left behind.  _

_ He didn't know whether to feel bad for her or be envious. Was it better to be the child that had never met Tony or be the child that spent every day by his side?  _

_ Peter still doesn’t know the answer to that.  _

_ “You okay, Pete?” Tony asks, his voice low. He pauses his hand as his brow furrows in concern.  _

_ Peter clears his throat in hopes of it not sounding close to tears when he speaks. “I'm okay.”  _

_ Tony smiles. “My little Spider-Baby is looking sleepy. I think it's past his bedtime.” It's meant to be mocking in a teasing way, but in this moment, it feels like the sweetest thing Tony could could ever say.  _

_ “What about you, old man? When is your bedtime?” Peter’s voice cracks at the end because Tony isn't an old man. He never will be an old man. He dies far too young. Before he's married. Before his child is born. Before Peter can see him again.  _

_ “I sleep when my charge is safe and sound.”  _

_ Peter stares up at him and smiles. He is safe. Now he is. “As long as I'm home, I'm safe.”  _

_ “Sure are, bud,” Tony says as he scoops him up in his arms. “But how about we go get you comfy in bed? Pepper says if she finds us asleep on the couch at noon again, she's gonna flip. Apparently when she has friends over she doesn't want us snoring in the living room.”  _

_ Peter laughs as he wraps his arms around Tony’s neck to stable himself. “You know I can walk, right?”  _

_ Tony shrugs his shoulders. “Eh, I've been lazy with you all day. Doing nothing but watching TV. I need to get some exercise in.”  _

_ Peter leans in close to his chest and shuts his eyes. The steady beating of Tony’s heart keeps him calm.  _

_ It almost lulls him to sleep until he hears his name being shouted.  _ He's no longer being rocked gently as Tony walks. He's being shaken and it hurts again. 

His eyes snap open and he's being held. But not by Tony. That's Rhodey. And he looks scared. When Peter’s eyes open, he looks only slightly relieved. “Peter, thank God. I thought you weren't going to wake up.” 

Then it clicks in Peter’s head. Rhodey saved him. No-- it wasn't a rescue. Peter was already safe. He was so close. 

Peter wants to cry. “Why...you do that?” His voice is weak and barely loud enough to he heard. 

“I'm gonna get you someplace safe. We're gonna get you help and you're gonna be okay.” Rhodey lifts him up and stands to his feet. 

Peter struggles against him. He wants him to drop him back where he was. Leave him be. “Stop-- no!” 

Rhodey is running through the snow now, but he spares a second to look down at Peter. “Pete, it's me. It's Rhodey.” 

Peter grunts, trying to smack Rhodey’s chest hard enough to get him to drop him. But it's barely a tap. “Please. Stop!” 

Rhodey shakes his head. “It's gonna be okay, kiddo. I'm gonna get you somewhere warm and safe and it's gonna be okay. You're confused, but it's Rhodey. I've got you.” 

Peter feels the tears drip down the sides of his face. He wonders if they'll freeze before they reach his ears. It's probably cold enough. “I don't want to. Please.” 

Rhodey sounds like he's close to crying too. “I'm sorry, Pete. I promised him I'd keep you safe and always look out for you-- I'm sorry.” 

“Please,” Peter gasps out through a burst of pain in his side. There was no pain with his parents, Ben, or Tony. There was only peace. “Please stop. Wanna go back.”

Rhodey’s hold on him only gets stronger. “I've got you. You're not going to die. You're gonna be okay,” he mumbles, probably more so trying to convince himself than Peter. 

“I wanna go home,” he begs. “Please let me go home.”

“I've taking you home. We're going home now.” 

Peter shakes his head, giving up with the fighting. He sags in Rhodey’s arms and lets out a sob. Rhodey isn't taken him home. He's dragging him away. “Jus’ let me sleep... _ please.”  _

“I'm not going to let you die, Peter. I've got you.” Rhodey pulls him even closer, just like Tony had done.

Rhodey musters up a smile, just like Ben had done. 

Rhodey holds him safe in his arms, just like his parents had done. 

Peter closes his eyes and cries. 

 

Peter doesn't want to die. He just wants to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Leave your thoughts below.


End file.
